07 May How do you recognise and avoid attracting perpetrators

They are a Sham! Most perpetrators are profoundly insecure. Desperate to avoid feeling humiliated, ridiculed or not being good enough, they mask their insecurities by manipulation, control and distraction. Interesting this is the type of person they tend to attract. Like always attracts like. The last thing they want is to be open or transparent about their real objectives and will be very good at learning all about you, but you will learn very little about them. They distort the truth through deception, oversimplifying, omitting, ridiculing and placing doubt. Amazingly skilled at using elements of thought-control and brainwashing.

They tend to look for positions of power seeking careers as CEO’s, bosses, entrepreneurs, lawyers, politicians, police officers, celebrities, teachers, doctors and so on. The moment you let Perpetrators and their grandiose inflated ego into your life they will turn your life totally upside down. They will promise you the world only to deliver an atlas. They expect to be given whatever they want, when they want or feel they need, no matter what it might mean to others. The world revolves around them. They thrive on drama and have you living on the edge pandering to their demands and reassurances.

They will form friendships or romantic relationships only if the other person seems likely to advance their purposes and enhance their self-esteem. You become their puppet, their play thing. Always needing to prove your love and admiration for them. Your life will never be your own, they unknowingly break you down piece by piece until there is nothing of you left, so calculating you don’t even no its happening. They play a very dangerous game, one you will never win. You need to cut your losses and get out with what dignity of self you have left, because they will get you and suck the life out of you. Knowledge is power, take note and use it!

Perpetrators Character Traits

 Often displays snobbish, condescending or patronizing attitudes
 Self-centered, arrogant and selfish, strong sense of entitlement
 Big braggers regarding how they outsmart others
 Delusional and live in a fantasy world
 Highly Reactive
 Obsessive in behaviour
 Irresponsible and self-destructive
 Using their charm, they constantly seek compliments
 Exploitative of others, takes advantage of others to achieve their needs. No care factor
 Lacks empathy, compassion, unwilling to recognise or identify the feelings and needs of others
 Jealous and envious of others
 Highly judgmental and Self righteous
 Unreasonable expectations of others but others must comply with their expectations
 Emotionally cold, have no remorse or guilt for anything
 Lack tolerance and patience
 Can only sustain short term relationships, they consider people disposable

Pretenders, fraudulent and fake
Exploit and use You
Reprimand, belittle
Play games, manipulative
Evil and immoral
Tell lies
Reject You often
Abusive, arrogant
Tormenting
Opinionated, judgmental
Reckless, irresponsible
Shame and degradation

Preys and Victims

Perpetrators seek this type of person. Usually a victim of life circumstances. This person of prey is usually desperate for love and needy to be loved, they are vulnerable and insecure, afraid to be alone or on their own. Doesn’t manage life well. Lacks self-belief and good judgement and has very little self-worth or value. They often hate upon themselves, lost at their own pity party.
Gullible and naïve disclosing weakness, past ordeals, their life story without any form of insightful thinking or filter. They struggle with making empowered choices and decisions and is often trusting of others but lacks trust in themselves. Giving their power away for others to control.
Perpetrators want the victims power and will emotionally and mentally devastate and destroy a person, by victimizing them to such an extent that they exist within a state of powerlessness and helplessness — until they wake up from the nightmare.

Abuse is used as a form of thought control, using specific language cues intended to emotionally manipulate another person into handing over their power and will, their thoughts, desires, for the perpetrators personal gain.

The perpetrators intention is to get their victim to:

 Question their sanity and stability
 Nothing is good enough
 Mistrust those who support them usually family, parents, friends
 Feel abandoned by everyone, emphasizing it’s the perpetrator that cares
 Feel worthless and useless
 Give themselves no credit for their hard work and efforts
 Doubt their ability to think or make decisions
 Disconnect from their own wants and needs
 Give in to whatever the perpetrator wants
 Devalue themselves and their contributions
 Obsesses on their faults or mistakes
 Ignore, justify or make excuses for Abuser actions
 People Please to be in favour with the perpetrator
 Obsess on how to make the perpetrator happy
 Idealize the perpetrator put them on a pedestal

Powerless, pawn
Reliant, dependable, do anything
Easy going, compliant, tolerant
Yes person, willing to please

Be Self Aware it’s Your Responsibility

In many aspects innovative technologies have made our lives easier, allowing us to connect and build relationships with people from all over the world, allowing companies to run more efficiently, but information technologies are hampering our ability to learn effective social interpersonal skills that are essential for directing and leading healthy relationships Society today is distracted and suppressed in technology, navigating their life behind the walls of computers and smartphones, learning further how to disregard reality. People these days can sit in a crowded room and mentally “check-out” totally spellbound by their digital friend and device in front of them unaware of what is going on around them changing the way humans interact. At the crux of it, e-mail, texting and social media actually provides the perfect platform for people to hide behind the “masks” of modern technology This is our communication style in the 21st century.

The other concern is, with the increase use of technology and social media platforms, these are contributing factors to decreasing the rates of empathy and increasing the narcissistic behaviour among younger generations.

Society communicates a lot of mixed messages about how to be in the world, as it inclines to reward certain narcissistic behaviours and character traits like power, deception, aggressive behavior, possessions, and other status symbols. But if we are aware and understand these things don’t bring us a true sense of happiness, then we won’t see them as rewards. We will see the real person, not the flashy fake mask that they hide behind. The biggest facade these people mask is underneath they are so unhappy and miserable it is literally soul destroying.

The people who attack beat, rape, yell at, con, abuse others are not happy people. Do you think you can emotionally, sexually and physically abuse someone and feel authentic happiness?
These people focus on external things and status symbols of life to bring happiness. You cannot be happy and abusive at the same time and you cannot mistreat and manipulate others and be happy.
That’s not what real happiness is about. Real happiness comes from within, from a strong sense of self, from learning and growing as a human being and choosing to be a person of integrity and respect. If your core self is rotten and you choose to use and abuse and hurt others it’s impossible to be genuinely happy.

No one is YOU and that is your Power

When you live from a place of personal power, no other person will see you or consider you as prey, they will avoid you and even be intimidated by the energy of your personal power, your true authentic self.
When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! Don’t spin it and give them the benefit of the doubt or make excuses for them because they are charming you. It’s an act, don’t be fooled! See it for what it is! Energy doesn’t lie but people do, fact! Trust your intuitive processes and gut feelings for that is your internal alarm system trying to get your attention about something lurking and hiding in the shadows of abuse. When you learn to recognize the wolves that come dressed in sheep’s clothing you will move them on quickly and will learn the true authentic people from the fakes and frauds.

Let your love of self be your greatest love of all! Say Yes to your best life and say No to the rest!

E mpathises and is kind and compassionate
M otivate self to learn and grow
P ositive use of personal power
O pen hearted operate from an open heart
W illing to use courage for personal change
E mbrace your authentic, real self
R espect self, be responsible and accountable
M anage and support self-awareness and self-belief
E ncourage positive thoughts and actions
N urture physically, mentally, emotionally spiritually
T rust and Believe in Self