27 Jan What’s the Health of your Relationship? Is your Relationship Built to last?

The concept of finding “the one” is not only misleading and flawed by the unrealistic expectations that another person can and will complete you is categorically delusional. No-one completes you, that’s your job. The most important relationship you ever have is the relationship you have with you, if that relationship with you is unhealthy, so will your relationship with others. If your relationship is conditional, judgmental, critical, destructive, its very difficult to achieve a state of love with another. We all carry baggage from our childhood and tend to unconsciously reflect our unmet needs with our parents into our adult relationships which become a combination of attachment, dependency, with a controlling and possessive chemistry.

You must resolve the issues by meeting those needs for yourself as it is your inner responsibility. If you seek it through your relationships it will just become a toxic waste of dysfunction ending in more pain and turn you into something you are not.

Who are you in a Relationship?

The true purpose of a relationship is about growth, the growth of you, the whole health of you. Relationships are your teacher if you are willing to learn. It challenges you to look at your lack, lack of self-belief, lack of worth and value, your lack of self-love and validity and not feeling enough.

Our beliefs about relationships have been constructed from outdated and archaic models and institutions that teach us that there is someone perfect on the outside that can heal, fix and rescue us from our own inner conflicts and meet our unmet needs. The whole expectation of waiting for a partner to meet ones needs or the partners needs is the driving force that ends relationships.

Through the intimate relationship it will expose where you need to grow and heal your inner holes and wounds from childhood, rather than trying to repress the pain in the relationship.

As the adult self, you are responsible for the healing of that baggage, but most will dump it into the relationship, only to bring more conflict and dysfunction to the relationship.

Although every individual relationship expresses differently, a healthy relationship is characterised by having healthy connection, commitment, independence, communication, conflict resolution, trust, openness and shared vision. A higher love relationship is healthily attuned to self where the individual feels whole and complete within themselves integrating and creating a more unified interconnected relationship.

Unhealthy relationships are characterised by its intensity, dishonesty, dependency, possessiveness, control and power struggles that create cycles of life sucking dramas that lead to more and more toxic and dysfunctional behaviour.

How Do You Show Up In Your Relationship?

1. Do you feel you are enough in the relationship?
2. Do you feel valued and important in the relationship?
3. Do you meet your own needs and the needs of the relationship?
4. Do you bring your authentic self to the relationship?
5. Do you feel comfortable to share your feelings with your partner?
6. Do you feel you are growing in your relationship?
7. Do you challenge each other in a healthy way?
8. Are you respectful to each other, even in disagreement?
9. Do you feel heard and understood in your relationship?
10. Do you accept your partner for who they are?
11. You both understand and share the responsibilities of the relationship?
12. Do you both have the same or similar values?
13. Are you both compatible physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually?
14. Do you communicate honestly and openly without put down, blame or fault finding?
15. Does your relationship have a strong foundation of friendship?
16. Do you feel safe in your relationship?
17. You don’t feel something is missing in the relationship?
18. You feel supported in the relationship?
19. You don’t feel trapped in the relationship?
20. You both make decisions together?
21. You make quality time for your relationship?
22. You respect each other’s boundaries?

You can use these questions to self-audit your relationship. Answering ‘Yes’ affirms you are moving in the right direction with your relationship. If you answered ‘No’ it highlights the area needs attention and improvement.